Why I Bother

 

IÕve got a piece of English stuck in my teeth.

 

 

Ah, good friend, mirror,

no semblance of green

screwed from the algae of

Éshould I say memory?

ItÕs so predictable,

like instant oatmeal

tossing off little bromo-lariats (halos, hats, high-beams)

like so many Remuses and Romuluses

sucking at the wolf-tit of that flat-faced Quaker.

 

LanguageÕs meant to squeeze out I-beams

of laughter,

leaving the peals of the flophouse bananas

turning brown.

Brown brown brown

brown brown brown

brown brown brown brown

brown.

 

MagistrateÕs larder:

thatÕs where the wigs are kept;

where dandelion trimmings

and the heave of last yearÕs noodles

do their damndest

to commandeer the commander

to dear-me the antelope, the popcorn,

and the all-but-useless first baseman for the Minnesota Twins.

 

I can still think Indian names after all these years:

Chappaqua, Mahopac, Mamaroneck,

Quinnipiac, William Least Heat-Moon, Lord Shaftesbury,

running southwest by northeast by 12 noon

and a hot baguette stuffed with chicken tikka

where no man sits, let the pigeons cluster.

Sitting Bull/General George Armstrong Custer.

Gemini/hegemony.

Why, every link in the chainÕs a shackle. (Virtual.)

(I got that from Michael Palmer.)

Rowdy as a hooligan

(or is it an hooligan? do they deserve grammaticality?)

at a Leeds United match.

WhereÕs the comeuppance?

Seated on the aisle, with two big, soggy cups of lager,

thatÕs where.

He never said heÕd be on time and never on time he is.

Which makes the setting of watches by his morning constitutional

an act of pure contingency

like the blowhole of the humpback whale

which may or may not appear

above the waterline

on 7 July, 2007

when I plan to be starboard side,

a small vessel named Starbuck or Cleetus,

calling Astoria, Oregon its home

and charging a whopping 25 dollars

for an hour of humpback contingency.

IÕve had better deals in Ely, Nevada.

IÕve had a longer, harder headache

just walking to the store and back

for a bottle of tequila and some smokes.

Though I donÕt smoke and should never have gone out in the first place.

I knew IÕd find comeuppance and his soggy cups,

walking, smoking, pondering the relation of thought to action

or, possibly, acting out the relation of acts to ideas.

HeÕs yet to realize the position of art.

(It ainÕt first base with the Twins.)

 

What ratchets there are, are ratcheting.

For every tooth an increased security warning.

My systolic pressure is on the move.

It has in its mindÕs-eye

a little cottage on a lake

with a verdant afterthought and a bridge

from the pure to the practical.

Out back thereÕs a neat parcel of compost,

a small fire, a cooler of beer, and a bucket (presumably fish).

When friends come to visit – comeuppance for example –

my systolic pressure has much to offer

but nevertheless does not

Éoffer, that is.

 

So

I shimmy up the poll.
From least wanted

to most wanted.

Plastered all over town.

A reward on my head. I replace it with a knit cap.

The chill has frosted my skull

with a skill untested in fall.

Lumbering, then,

for a brisk constitutional,

I regain the feeling in my hands, robbed

some time ago by a trick-or-treater

dolled-up as a disenfranchised exoskeleton.

He reaches brazenly – I mean BRAZENLY –

he reached into my left hip pocket.

Removed the cue ball.

Replaced it with a knit cap.

Jammed up the whole mechanism.

I went numb.

Runs in my family.

We succumb to tremors, to delight,

to negligence.

In our defense, we are plenty indifferent.

There are those whose malady is complaining

and those whose malady is maladies.

We are in the latter camp,

a small fire, a cooler of beer, and a bucket (presumably fish).

 

There is something (is there not?)

about rod-caught fish–

no nets for me, Jacques Plante –

fish roasting on a real wood fire?

Yes, there is.

With potatoes dug from the earth,

a small handful of radishes.

 

A handful of red radishes.

Handful of reddish radishes.

A handful of red radishes.

 

I could say that all night long

(and nearly did),

singing the phrases of the praises

of the glistening red orbs

sheened with rain water

beside the ripe pickings.

The oft-neglected greens too.

See what I mean about negligence?

They are peppery and cruel,

demanding of saliva

and a balance of bibb or butter

or red leaf romaine.

Surely there is no better reward

for having dug in the earth

in the hotifying sun.

Surely there is no better excuse.

 

Magnanimous though I may be,

though they may be –

those glistening red orbs –

a handful of red radishes;

they canÕt help but be magnanimous!

nor I.

Still we sob when the mercury dips.

We remove our curling, pruning toes

from the banks of the wetifying river

which runs the gamut of emotions

from magnanimous to sobbing;

which runs the company into the ground.

Silting the heart (an odd expression surely,

but warranted, given the circumstances,

wouldnÕt you agree?)

Salting the wounds of the heart.

Baiting the breath

and allowing chandeliers to swing freely.

Allowing all interpretations to float freely,

to insinuate and disagree.

More than that,

they unzip their trousers

and piss on the roaring fire

beside a cooler of beer, and a bucket (presumably fish).

 

Last April,

amidst reports

of disintegrating share prices

and a shoal of muskies

besotted beside

the sight of sycamores,

the crash course began:

first, the lagoon

(at least thatÕs what it says in my notes,

but IÕve wondered, ever since,

if it hadnÕt been legume).

Revisited by the creeping sense of hegemony:

by the feeling that we have no choice.

The man who plays first for the Twins

will always be the man who playÕs first for the Twins.

ThereÕs no getting around it.

 

Rapturous melodies are always wafting.

Sometimes, though, itÕs swooping,

crashing, divebombing, thrusting, piercing,

invading, debilitating, absolutely horrific smashing

that we want.

Sometimes, whether we want it or not,

thatÕs what we need.

Like eggs.

Or the calcium supplements my wife brings me at bedtime

while I laze atop the bedsheets, book in hand,

while I remedy the reading I do in the daytime

with the reading I do at night.

 

ItÕs a matter of contamination.

But isnÕt everything?

I am contaminated with the genes of my parents,

with love for my wife

(and, I like to think, I contaminate her too;

thatÕs why she brings me calcium).

FactoryÕs release their spillage

into the mighty Mississippi

or Regents Canal.

Stabled horses.

Yogurt.

Grime.

 

I laugh at my insipidness; as it is cause for joy.

 

Shallow are the shoals

of serendipitous thought.

What I first thought was rapture

was rapture indeed.

But not mine. Not now.

Someone elseÕs, at a later date,

or long ago and wouldÕve been forgotten

if it hadnÕt been for this stupid poem.

Why the urge to calcify

this little moment or that:

Ōthe night thickensÉ

besides, the dayÕs reign ought to

endÉĶ And end it does. But why?

I asked.

Why the urge to calcify?

This stupid poem,

that implausible book,

the film I saw last Tuesday night

on DVD, and the extras,

including original trailer,

outtakes, crew filmography,

and the making-of documentary

(more interesting than the film itself),

the questions I might ask of them are legion.

Sometimes, one thinks, in moments of illumination:

better to let sleeping dogs lie

beside the white chickens,

cooler of beer, bucket of fish.

 

I rented a chain saw

to lay down the Beech

laying down a carpet of leaves

at the foot of the lake.

The leaves, as they rotted,

turned crisp granules of sand

into compost. The stations of footing

disintegrate thus.

We raked and we raked

and we raked in the sands,

like greens keeperÕs daughters

in Georgia or France.

We rounded the base paths

from cabana to boat dock

with shipping and shaping in mind.

The wind and deciduous decided against us.

The Beech laid its carpet of rot on the beach.

And I, my own daughter,

made a path to the water

for dipping and diving

and tying the boat to the dock with a cord.

This late-Autumn classic stretched well past the bed time

of all of the trees which neighbored the Beech.

It seemed like a test –

this seventh-inning stretch –

where we re-laid the lines

of foul play and fair.

So each man would know

where he stood from then on.

The man who plays first for the Twins.

 

Criminal accusations fly:

there is a bus that used to stop here;

there was a bus that still stops here;

there will be a bus that never stops here.

What I know about buses

could fit in the back seat

of a Buick LeSabre.

Because the knowing of something

can never fit comfortably

into the thing that is known.

(I got that from Wallace Stevens,

even if he never said it

exactly.)

And what I didnÕt get from Wallace Stevens

could fit in the head

of another man

who reads poetry less.

And bully for him!

(I got that from Frank OÕHara.)

 

IÕm the first to admit

IÕm the child of my reading.

ThatÕs why I never read

what I write.

Instead I laze by the shores

of the burbling creek

or I axe at the trunk

of the de-leafing Beech

or I poke at the fish

of the calcified reef

and deposit them, live, in a bucket.

 

And, absolutely, oh yes,

I eat what I catch.

You can hear them still swimming

in my belly.

 

29 December 2004

at the MLA off site reading

Philadelphia /

14 July 2005

Bastille Day

London /

30 July

London