The Paris subway is called The Metro. Thatched roof huts in western New York go by the name Carrier Dome. The Dumps, accompanied by fresh-brewed coffee answer to "Drop that gun!" The farthest point still considered domestic can not be reached by land. In 1982 three members of the Dutch design firm Herr Kupt traveled to Rhodesia only to find it missing. It had been replaced by a string of opalescent beads and an "out to lunch" placard in French. Their journals (recently recovered from a meat locker in Rotterdam, where a butcher had stored them since their discovery in 1996) mark the founding with two short sentences:

"Not as lovely as first thought," and

"Have come to realize our mistakes."

Experts have deciphered the complex encryption of this, their final entry and deduced the score of the African League Football Final (3-2 on penalty kicks). The butcher who released the journals claims to be the only surviving member of the party. However, during interrogation, he was unable to recall many essential details of the expedition. Of particular concern: his inability to recount the motto of the Dutch Society of Designers. (Loosely translated: Glory in little things.) Nevertheless, patrons rave about his chops, remarking consistently on the breathtaking marbling of his center cut and flank steaks. It is widely acknowledged that the patterns owe considerable debt to the Bauhaus, though the butcher, himself, denies any knowledge of Gropius or Mies.

© 2003 Seth Kim-Cohen